First time nerves are often the worst
A million damning possibilities have yet to make way for silver linings and rays of sunshine. Come to think of it, I believe it is an incredible luck that there has been so much written about courtesans and their lovers. Passages recounting trysts made me blush as I looked over my shoulder, making sure no one was noticing what I was feasting on. The details of adventures, lace and soirees intrigued me and enchanted me - getting to know a person in such an intimate way appealed greatly to me. On the other hand, everywhere around me was this pervasive message that I was expected to act a certain way. As an adolescent I remember being told by a family relative : "Oh my dear, ladies don't apply rouge at the restaurant table." I had only finished my meal and found it foolish to shield the world from the view of me re-applying a soft pink lipstick. I turned to her and asked why that was, that this ritual should somehow be hidden. The explanation left me unsatisfied a